By Grant Tucker
Whether advised within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward thrust of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no higher time to have fun the immortal one-liner. during this publication, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and a complete lot extra.
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Extra resources for 5,000 Great One Liners
They asked me to provide proof of a dress. A librarian walks into a bar and asks for a book on irony. ’ Three words: beach holiday albums. Just saw the 3D screening of Harry Potter. The cinema was completely full of nerds in those Harry Potter glasses. If women are so obsessed with big cocks, why are they so happy when they make a smaller tampon? ’ What? Where the hell did he buy that from? Two men walk into a bar, and the third one ducks. Junk: something you keep for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
That shut him up. I wanted to propose to my girlfriend over the phone. So I gave her a ring. Serving time in prison can sometimes be described as ‘a stretch on the inside’. I wonder where that phrase originated…? My wife just told me she wanted to have a baby. I didn’t have the balls to tell her I was castrated. My girlfriend just texted me to say that she has just stuck a whole lemon up her pussy. That might not seem like a big deal but she’s dyslexic. Typical Americans, making a national holiday out of a Will Smith film.
OCD sufferers: their days are numbered. Do cross-eyed teachers have trouble controlling their pupils? I needed to measure my waist, but I couldn’t find the tape measure anywhere. In the end I just shoved a ruler up my arse and multiplied it by pi. According to Einstein, E = MC2. For me, E = a great night out. ’ He said, ‘That’s amazing! ’ The wife said she’s sick of me ‘always being right’. So I left. People who confuse the metaphorical and the factual make my head literally explode. My mate just got sacked from his quality control job at the match factory.
5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker