By Margaret McRae (auth.)
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This was the first of a number of similar attacks. In desperation I went to the doctor and told him about these terrors in the night. He prescribed sleeping tablets which proved to be a great help. At last I was able to sleep in peace. I wanted to take driving lessons and I managed to get a few people from the church to sit with me while I drove my car around the streets where I lived. While in the car I felt confident and my worries seemed to fade away, but these moments didn't last because the fears and tensions hung around me like shadows.
It seemed to be set at a very fast rate. I reached over and adjusted the clip to slow it down. I looked around. There was a patient standing nearby, so I asked her to fetch me some water. It was important to drink plenty after an operation. I wriggled in the bed in an attempt to sit up straighter. I had to breathe deeply to avoid a chest infection. Then I bent my legs up and down, as a preventive measure against thrombosis. I was very tense and distrustful. I watched for possible signs of complications, and took every precaution against any complications arising.
He was unhappy about it, and he said that I needed more rest. I appealed to him, and warned him that if I didn't return to work as soon as possible, I might lose the ability to face people. He must have seen by the look of dismay on my face that I really had had enough rest and needed to get involved with the world again. ' 4 Depression (January 1967 - February 1967) I hoped that a return to work would see an end to my fears and anxieties about my mental health. I had an interesting job and helpful colleagues with whom I was able to share my feelings.
A State of Depression by Margaret McRae (auth.)